Into the vat.

Taking a dip. A touch of warmth. Wear and tear. Imperfection.

It's been a dubious day. Dubiosity has reigned quietly in the background for the past few days as I've been going along cleaning, creating and contemplating. I've felt dubiosity hanging out somewhere in the corner of the room, weighing down heavily. Every time I think I catch it staring at my back, I turn and it's not there. It's moved and lurking in another corner.

- Color study for Warship

Silence.

Back to work.

Zen Tree

Image: J.B.Weekes, Copyright 2008

Awesome Jon sent me this. He took it last weekend after our first northeast storm.

Planned a post but stayed up too late and now tooooooooo tired. Does that mean double the goodness tomorrow?

?

I love paper.

I just wanted to say that. I love paper. Just that. Paper. Yep. Not the Xerox kind. The nice, fancy, kind. Porous, fancypants, watercolor, handmade-type. I love paper.

I love it so much, that I had to get up and post it here.

Wintery work.

Start of a continuation. I'm liking her more and more.
Pardon the bad lighting, I have very limited light sources.

I was so happy that this past weekend came around. Though part of the weekend was crappy due to family making me miserable (Saturday), yesterday turned out to be a perfect working day. Art day. Art is not work. I have to remember that. I keep on losing my vision of this since my day job is all about creating, and that is work with a capital, hard-ass "W". And the past week of day-jobness was exhausting. But Sunday was so nice. Music, art, and the company of kitties. The blistering snow storm outside didn't even phase me. Come evening time I went out to dig my yellow lemon out of the snow (that's the vehicle, it's yellow and a lemon in more ways than one), an hour and a half of wintery shoveling, to wake up today and see that I was plowed in. *Sigh* But with such a good day yesterday, I didn't care.


The view outside my window on Sunday.

When it's snowing like that I want to run out and hike through the woods. One day I'll get myself a pair of snow shoes that I've been pining for, grab my topo map and compass, and go get lost in the snow. One day, when I get those shoes.

Into the sketchbook.

Meine Kamera ist kaputt. Well, not really, it's only that the battery has run down and I don't have a charger. The charger was removed from my checked backpack somewhere between O'hare and Bradley International last year during a random routine search, and never replaced. My camera was on me, but in exhaustion, at the last second I checked my backpack. When I got home and unzipped it I found one of those paper things stating that they had gone through my bag. I was not so much upset that they (they being an airport personnel of some sort), rummaged through my bag (I can understand the need for it nowadays), I was more upset that the battery charger was removed and not put back. Unfortunately, at the moment I can't replace it and have been borrowing one off and on. So, since no battery for the Kamerrra, today no photos. But, I went all out and got savvy outside of the day job, and used the scanner. Woo!

So, peek into my sketchbook. It's actually a very special thing, place, whatevermajiggy, where I sketch ideas, meditate, babble, paste things into, and so on. I have pages where I warm up my brain with doodles and sketches before I actually start drawing something. It's a lot meditative and a bit trance-like. I write, make lines. Warmups. Brain babbles.

One page and close-ups. After I scanned the page (the book wasn't laying flat - sorry), I became detached from all those doodles. I felt as if I was looking at someone else's stuff and got really fascinated looking at it up close in hi-res. So I thought the close-ups would be neato to show.

Oh, and please pardon any cat fuzzies you might see.

In progress.

Oh, I wanted to post so much yesterday, but the odd weather up here in New England sent my barometer into the migraine zone. With a strong dose of ibuprofen I was out of commission. Sixty degrees out and pouring rain. Not normal. Not normal. Not for here. Oh we're all going to burn. Shame on us. The poor planet. Blahblahblah I better stop now because otherwise I won't stop.

Sunday was great! I worked on the above image. I wasn't planning on it. It was originally a small drawing I did in pen. (I prefer a good pen over a sharp pencil. I like the challenge of having to rework a mistake to make it work, and a pen is very unforgiving.) I output it at a larger size for a transfer, and the next step will be inking it. I rather like it at this large size, 15"x 22". I could almost see it as a print of some sort, but not sure yet. I need to see how I'm going to develop it. I never know what the finished piece will look like when I start. I just go.

I gooooooo. Oh oh oh!

Set M al-Z free!

Amazing!

The world is an amazing place. Strangers come out of the Internetsy depths to show their support to another stranger. It gives me hope in many ways, not just for myself but for the state of the whole planet. How grandiose I sound! Hah :) ! David and Nancy, I'm at a loss for words, so I'll just say Thank You! Thank You! and Thank You!

It's really been, for the most part, a rotten year for me. But I won't go into details. It's been one thing after another with a few bright moments, including this past weekend when all of you spoke up and told me your take on things, which pumped me up so much that yesterday I forgot about the laundry and other "unimportant" things such as chores, and actually got to work. I'll post a photo or two later tonight since unfortunately I couldn't locate the USB cable for my camera, and I did take a few photos to share.

And again, thanks!

Hiatus? and sparkles for Scott.

Scott C., these sparkles are for you because you put a sparkle in my heart today with your message.

When friends got wind today that I was going to stop creating art, an uproar took place. I had to rethink what I had been thinking about the past few days and the decision I came to last night.

Creating art, and the creative process should never be forced. Art is, what I consider, a holy act (no, I'm not getting religious on everyone). It comes straight from the heart, be it painting, dancing, writing, or anything that is formed with a pure purpose (pure purpose can even be an emotion such as love, anger, sadness). It can create connections between human beings, help us understand cultures, and even be used as a healing process. For me to put something so special on the back-burner may not be the right decision now that I have heard arguments, opinions, and dealt with questions. Maybe the thing I need to think about instead is, how can I adjust my life to make room for something that is so important. So, taking everything I heard to heart, this weekend I will take the time to rethink, meditate, ruminate and see if in this dark spot in my life I can take the sparkles that I received today and start creating a bright light, even if it's small. Yes, those sparkles are a bit of a metaphor, but if that one or two or three sparkles can actually ignite, there's some hope for me yet.

So thank you all those who stopped me today, called me today, left messages today. I don't feel nearly as alone. Hearing stories and experiences made me stop and think. I might not paint today, or draw tomorrow, but thanks to all of you, I definitely won't stop. And the day job? I'll get a pickaxe and start working on that ball and chain.

Oh, and one more thing, I'll keep this blog going, come hell or high water.
xoxo

Goodbye.

On December 31st I will be closing down this blog. I just can't pursue my art any longer. I've been trying to do something with it for a year now, but my day job does not allow me to put the focus I want into it.

I neither have the inclination (because my job wears me out), nor the drive (at work I feel like I have a gun to my head all the time to design), nor the stamina (my job mentally exhausts me).

Unfortunately, the company I work for does not have the best benefits (though I give them kudos for trying), and now going into my 9th year, I am still at two weeks vacation (how sad our country is that they allow employers to give so little time to their employees). Many of those days end up being used for things like doctors appointments, emergencies, and running errands. I truly feel like I have not had a true vacation in the many years I've worked there (a week away is NOT a vacation). I cannot afford to quit (there are people who rely on me in this economy) and I refuse to go elsewhere to do the same thing (I don't enjoy designing and I never have, I got into it by accident, which is a long story). I've made it through last months layoffs here, and secretly hoped that I would be one of the people to be let go so that I could focus on the art. I would have even volunteered if they had asked. So, last night I decided to give in. I've fallen into a pit and I can't get out. They've got me chained.

I want to thank the handful of wonderful people who have stopped by and left a comment (or a few), they were really appreciated and put a smile on my face, and gave me a little hope that maybe I could get somewhere with my creations. I'll still continue to visit my favorite blogs and sites and say hello once in a while. With the utmost sincerity, thank you everyone.

Jin Young Yu - Oh My!

A Family In Disguise

I've never really posted about another artist before, but Jin Young Yu's sculpture is absolutely amazing. I got a glimpse of her work on ArrestedMotion during their coverage of Art Basel and had to know more. Since then, I've spied images of her work on various blogs across the internet.

The figures are so ghostly and haunted looking, their emotions so masked and hidden yet at the same time readily apparent. From what I gathered in doing research on this Korean artist, her work is a commentary on the hypocrisy of today's society, who we really are and who we pretend to be while amongst other people. The masks we wear in front of our friends and relatives, yet at the same time not truly understanding who we are as individuals. I immediately identified with her work since it strikes close to home. In such a chaotic, media driven, materialistic society, it is very difficult to find one's soul and true purpose. The media drives us to not think for ourselves. It tells us what to wear, eat, how to act and behave, what medications to take, and how to live our lives, and even how to mourn, as at the very same time it is stripping us of our individuality. Though, it's very clever, because it leaves us with the belief that we are still thinking for ourselves.

This is how I felt today.

This piece nails how I feel everyday. A face with a mask. A ghostly figure pretending to be someone I'm not.

So, in bloggy fashion, I'm posting both links to Jin Young Yu's blog and Union Gallery which is showcasing some of her work. Her blog is in Korean, but it's worth to take a look at all the images posted there.

Thank you also to Audrey Kawasaki for having done some of the research ahead of time by posting additional info and links on her blog. All photos are courtesy and copyright of Jin Young Yu.

yep.

Work. I'm slow to post because. So these are last week's photos. Sorry for the quality, there wasn't a lot of light.

I had put the original large piece Earth on the back-burner due to moving around so much and working on other things. She's everywhere and I can't get rid of her till she's complete. She's also further along now since this photo.

The other pieces are 8"x 8" and experimental. I don't know where I'm going with those yet. I pick them up every so often, do a bit here, then there. Then they sit. And I look and look. And so on. I've got too many ideas and too many things going on here and there that I'm starting or doing or finishing something or other.

I wish I could think of something clever to say. It could be this jazzy samba stuff I'm listening to. It might be messing with my head.

I really could go for some m&m's right now. With peanuts.

I'm really missing the City right now.